MOTHERHOOD MY WAY

Motherhood, "is not for the faint of heart", says my mother. No truer words have been spoken by her to me before. But I appreciate her candidness. She always has a way of speaking and giving parenting advice which sounds like gentle suggestions more than directives. My mother speaks generally, "babies like to..." , "some babies...". She's actually one of the few people whose advice I'll consider. My best friend is the other voice I'll listen to and of course my doctor. As a very new mom, I took unsolicited advice from, random strangers, cashiers and other veteran moms, with a grain of salt. Other times, it was just annoying being bombarded with information you didn't ask about.

Sure, their suggestions my have been helpful but at the time advice was given it wasn't the help I was looking for. I'm sure it was well intentioned but in retrospect, it was not useful or helpful at all. What I needed was advice from someone who was actually listening to what I needed. So, I've learned to listen to my inner voice and trust my instinct. I mentioned this in my sleep training video. I will mention it in this post. No one knows knows your child better than you. You are with that baby more than anyone. You will pick up on the slightest behaviour, temperature or mood changes. I've trusted my instincts on so many occasions and I have no regrets.

Fifteen months later I'm still not receptive to parenting advice. Not because I necessarily know it all. But I'm sure there is no perfect formula for parenting. What worked for one mom may not be the Golden Ticket for another. I understand there is no one size fits all parenting approach. I wish the unsolicited advice givers were keen enough to acknowledge this and shush.

I remember my mom having a book titled, Why Kids Lie. I don't remember the author. But as an adult I jokingly said to my mom, "I could have saved you twenty six dollars and told you I lied because I didn't want to get spanked." Basically, no book or blog can help you figure your child out or simplify parenting. It would take the adventure out of the ups and downs. Also, it would take away great teaching moments that help you learn more about yourself and about your child.

I personally feel more confident after sleep training my toddler, it wasn't easy, but I did it my way. I heard a lot of advice, hot water bottle to keep the spot where baby sleeps warm , give baby water, no later supper, you name it! None of the advice was helpful. But my mom's advice of, "go by the baby's schedule", was great advice. It was at this point I began writing down and observing my new infants sleep patterns and eventually my toddlers'. Armed with additional research from several blogs I was prepared. This helped me pinpoint peak crying times and pick up on sleep cues. It was definitely what I needed to reinforce my research on sleep training a year later.

I still hear advice but I'm not compelled to consider or follow it. I will, however, still listen to advice of the people I love and trust because it has served me well. What I've also been surprised by is the hurt feelings that come with you declining advice or saying 'no'. It's not my intention to hurt any feelings but do what's best for my child. My child's physical health and safety plus emotional well being overrides any hurt feelings. Besides learning to trust myself more, I've also learned that I'm much less of a people pleaser. This has been one of my weaknesses. Motherhood will bring out the best in me yet.